The Many Different Faces of Co-Workers

August 14, 2013
In every work force, you have a wide variety of personalities among your co-workers, but honestly, it is the same everywhere you go. Different faces, same personalities. I’m going to try to define some of these personalities, and you can silently put a name to them in your head. Have fun!
The Pessimist– This is the annoying person that can never seem to see all the colors in the rainbow. But if they do, they complain about every single one of them. It doesn’t matter what plan of action you come up with, to them it’s never going to work. They will attempt to shoot down every idea you have with their ever present negativity.  In fact, they don’t even want to try it for fear of failure. This person will most likely be sitting at this same desk until their retirement comes along and they will be happy doing so.
The Optimist– This is the person that seems to have found the pot at the end of the rainbow and is attempting to spread their sunshine everywhere. This person is as equally annoying as the pessimist but in a different light. Because sometimes you just don’t want to be happy go lucky, or perhaps you are having a bad morning and you literally can’t stand the sight of their big teeth smile so early in the day. Some days, you will find yourself taking the long route to the cafeteria just to avoid their chipper attitude. However, the optimist can be more useful than the pessimist in the event of extremely bad times when you need a good pick-me-up.
The Bully– This person is the one you only like on their day off. They have a tendency to pull down the entire work force, and they enjoy wreaking havoc on everyone they encounter.  They never seem to have one thing good to say. They create a very stressful, tension-filled work atmosphere. They will criticize your clothing, hairstyle, and your work ethic. They are especially jealous of any new item you may have just purchased,  such as apparel, house, or maybe a new vehicle. Sometimes they will not even acknowledge this item and you are better off if they don’t. Because if they do, you will find yourself listening to every negative thing about it. Everyone talks about this co-worker behind their back. If someone is not talking about the bully to you in confidence, then it is you.
The Klepto– This is the person who will steal any little thing they can find from you. From your pencils to your wallet, no items are safe. They will show up to work wearing the same missing shirt you just bought two weeks ago and swear they liked yours so much they went and bought one for themself.  If you find them lurking around your desk or workplace, you will quickly do an inventory count of all your possessions the minute they are out of sight. The problem is, many times you will find a specific item missing, you know they did it but cannot prove it. So the first chance you get, you make some sort of distinctive mark on your possessions, just so you can keep up with them. Beware the klepto!
The Borrower– This person will ask to borrow your false teeth if you will allow them. Nothing is sacred to them! From work items to personal possessions, they will attempt to borrow everything you have. The even bigger problem is they will borrow and they won’t return it. Once it is in their possession, you will never get it back. The funny thing about this person is if you try to flip the script on them and ask to borrow something from them, you will get a sad story every time. The borrower is also best friends with the klepto and they are always together.  This is mostly due to convenience for the klepto because they will throw the borrower under the bus every time by pointing a finger in their direction when something goes missing.
The Over-Achiever– This is a person who will literally kill themselves to finish their work before you do. They take an obnoxious amount of pride in everything they do. From personal life to work matters, their life is always better than yours. They make more money, their cars are faster, and they make sure they have every hot new item on the market before you do. The wheels in their head are spinning all the time trying to think of ways to be the top dog in every field. If you do happen to beat them at something, they always have an excuse to offer.  These people will go to great lengths to impress you. Being an over- achiever is exhausting and results in a short life span.
The Gossiper– This is the person that will pretend to be a very compassionate friend in pretenses to get every amount of dirt you can dish out. They will come to you and whisper “Now, you’re the only one I’m telling this to, so don’t say anything to anybody”. The problem is…they do that ALL DAY LONG!!! No secret is safe with this person, so in a weak moment, don’t even think about it! Telling this person your secret is the equivalent of renting a billboard on Hwy 9.
The Know It All– It doesn’t matter what subject gets brought up, this person has seen it, done it, or invented it. Attempting to hold a conversation with this person will result in a migraine.
The Chameleon– This is a person who shows no originality and will mimic everything you do. They change their personality to fit whoever they are around in a sad attempt to blend in. Sometimes you will feel pity for this person and sometimes you will just feel annoyance.
 The Control Freak– this person always wants to head up every single thing that is going on, just so you can be their puppet. From extracurricular activities at work to surprise birthday parties, they want to organize every event. They will turn a deaf ear to your ideas, offering excuses as to why they won’t work, then turn around and present them as their own with a slight adjustment, just so they can say they’re not EXACTLY like yours. They will often take credit for ideas they never came up with if these same ideas prove to be successful.
 The drama queen– Sadly, every work place has one of these. This person will make a mountain out of a molehill in every single situation. From a broken nail to a fight with their significant other, the end results are always the same. Tears shed, threats of suicide and nervous breakdowns seem to be a part of their every day life. And they always want to share every little detail with you. It is always all about them. But if you really want to get rid of them quickly, start talking about your problems. This has a 100% success rate.
The Flirt– This one is usually, but not always a woman. All women hate her.  She is very attractive and she loves to flaunt it. She will wear seductive clothing that cling to her curves because she knows everyone is watching her. She loves the power this gives her, but inside she is a hollow, insecure person begging for attention. Twenty years down the road, she will gain 50 pounds and avoid you at all cost.
The Martyr– This person is the one who claims to do EVERYTHING and not get credit for it. They will sit and complain to you about having to pick up everyone’s slack while never getting recognized for it but will continue to do it. No hope for this person.
The Slacker– Sometimes you will multiple ones in this area and they migrate towards each other. Most of them are smokers who always want to take a smoke break at a very inappropriate time. They take long bathroom breaks and even longer smoke breaks. Sometimes they even start smoking just so they can have a reason to take more breaks. They spend more time in their work day trying to look busy, than actually doing something productive.
The Single One– This is the person that all of the old married people flock to on Monday morning just so they can hear how they spent their weekends. These married people listen intently as they listen to the wild tales of the late night, partying weekend of their ever so lucky co-worker. Sometimes it gives them hope that maybe they can recall their carefree youthful days, so they go home and try on that old cheerleader or football uniform, which always ends badly. You will not rest until this single person is married with children and are singing the same woes as you are.
The Quiet One– This is the invisible person that no one sees until you hear about them being placed under arrest for finding dead bodies in their freezer. Then you always stand around and say “But they were always nice and quiet”. This is the person you don’t want to mess with. If you make them mad, they will go home and poke long needles through your voodoo doll. They have one made for every co-worker…but you will never know it unless you are one of the ones they find in the freezer!
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