Clay County Etiquette

May 6, 2013
Every county has their way of life and Clay County is no exception. But I’ve taken the liberty of jotting down a few tips for you, just in case you are new to the area. You can thank me later 🙂
Clay County Etiquette
Mud– Familiarize  yourself with it. Most people don’t like mud, but here, we embrace it. We work in it, park in it, roll in it, and play in it.  It is not uncommon to see trucks riding down the road outlined in mud with nothing but the windshield visible at any given time.  We even make mud biscuits. How many of you have ever eaten a good ole’ mud biscuit when you were little…or drunk? Raise your hand…no don’t, it’s a dry county, after all….
Fresh Game– No, we ain’t talking about sports, that’s a whole ‘nother subject entirely. We talking about every outdoor species known to man that gets caught in the crosshairs. And if it’s big enough to be considered a trophy, it’ll get slapped on top of a truck for the day and driven around to be proudly displayed.  If we shoot it, and it can be skinned, we gonna eat it. Deer, turkey, squirrel, dove, snake, frogs, and boars, etc. We got it all here, and we ain’t afraid to try it…once anyway J
Fishing Yeah, we got fish too. Lots of fish. We fish all day and then come home and fry it up…Clay County style. Lakes, ponds, rivers, and streams, we ain’t scared to fish anywhere. If the weeds are too high for comfort, we fish with a gun nearby, just in case something slithers up to us. Then we just shoot it…and eat it too. Hey, it’s protein J
Firearms– Here in these neck of the woods, we are very serious about our protecting our assets. We strongly believe in the 2nd Amendment and we ain’t afraid to put it to the test. You trespass on our property or show intent to harm, there’s a good chance you might be carried off in a body bag. So, if you enjoy having all your body parts…then heed this warning. We don’t provide warning shots….
Sports– What can I say about this category? Uuummm, everything. We live for football here. In fact, we even move holiday celebrations to accommodate the big games. Here, you’re either for Alabama or Auburn, there is no in-between. Pick one and stay there. You can’t straddle the fence on this one…it’s for your own protection, believe me. There’s a law in Clay County that you can shoot someone if they change sides. Now, I ain’t never seen this happen, but I heard a few things. When the Iron Bowl is on, you can pretty much drop a bomb in Lineville and Ashland and nobody’s  gonna get hurt. Businesses close, and phones are turned off. If you wanna rag someone about the score, make sure you know the person you’re ragging, or you’re gonna lose some friends, or family , or teeth for that matter…and possibly even an eye. Just sayin’
Food We take our eatin’ very seriously here. If it’ll lay still long enough, we gonna fry it up. Any small animal is not safe when we hungry. Just put it on the grill and wrap it bacon, cuz bacon goes with everything. The bigger the varmint , the bigger the get together.  See Fresh Game for more tips on this category.
Parties– Yeah, we like to party here and we can make a good time just about anywhere we go. On a river bank, lake side, camp site, or just in the back yard. Put on some Hank and crank up the radio and you got yerself some good ole’ fun. But we like our local boys just as well as Hank or George. Kevin Moon and Jonathan East tunes can be heard at just about any shindig. And we like it that way…In fact, we expect it.
Politics– Ugh, I hate politics, but unfortunately, we got too much of that here. You gotta watch this category, cuz we also got gossip and these two can be intertwined in a way that really stirs up some crap. And you can also lose an eye and some teeth on this one too, if you ain’t careful. Seen it happen J
Volunteer– This is a big word around here. If you live in this county, you have been one of these at one point in time. Where do you think our Football team got their name? We got 17 volunteer fire departments and a volunteer rescue squad. We got organizations, clubs, and non-profit organizations. Our county relies heavily on volunteers and they don’t disappoint either. You got a crisis, and they are right there with you, rolling up their sleeves and jumpin’ in to help. It’s a great place to live. Gotta be careful on this category too, or you will find yourself so far in the volunteer status that work will interfere with it.
Fun– The sky is the limit on this category. We may not have a mall around here, but we got all the fresh, clean air you can stand. Just step outside and take a whiff. You can’t find that in any big city. Here, we make our own fun and we got all the resources you need. Mountains, valleys, lakes,  and dirt roads. Riding four-wheelers,  river-floatin, hunting, fishing, mud riding, walking, running, swimming, camping…I could go on for days. It’s just a great place to live. But again, be careful cuz we grow on you like a fungus and you’ll soon  find yourself a citizen J
People– Clay County folks are the best people you will find anywhere. We are a typical small town where everyone knows everyone’s business. Sometimes good, and sometimes not so good. But generally, all round great people that will give you the shirt off their back if they think you really need it. On the down side, don’t think you gonna run to the store in your pajama pants with no makeup on and think you ain’t gonna see somebody you know. It ain’t gonna happen. I’ve been to the grocery store for one thing and ended up staying gone for three hours.
Religion– Yeah, we got religion. In fact, we take our Bible very seriously. We like to call it “Handbook for Life”. Anything you wanna know, it’s all right there. You got a problem, look it up. I promise you, there’s an answer there somewhere, but whether you choose to follow that answer is up to you. You don’t need Google for that. We go to Church, we tithe, and we pray…all day everyday. You got a problem you can’t solve, you pray about it. End of story.
Now, all of this may sound like Redneckville to you, but we just call it home in a Mayberry sense. Any banjo tunes you may here are strictly for fun and not to be fretted over. Come check it out for yourself…you might just like it 🙂

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